Archive for December, 2007

Now listen here, youngsters, I’m going to tell you a story. Back in my day, we didn’t have computers. No, sir, we had these things called typewriters. No spell-check, no fancy fonts, just good old fashioned words on good old fashioned paper! And we were thankful for it, yes we were.

We had to carry our typewriters on our backs to and from school every single day in the sleet and blinding snow, but you didn’t hear us complain. It built character! That’s right, big hunks of metal strapped to our backs. We didn’t have laptops, we had backtops! We are permanently hunched over now, but it was worth it, let me tell you.

But now, all you youngsters have your computers, and nobody has to think, and you just zip off your messages to your friends, you ungrateful good-for-nothing kids without hunchbacks. And don’t get me started on texting! Nobody can spell a darned thing these days.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go to the public library where they know the value of a good typewriter (pictured above), and I’m going to write honest to goodness letters, not that anyone ever writes me back. Use email, they say. We don’t write letters anymore, they say. Well, I’ll show them, those spoiled little punks.